Carrying a destination sign when hitchhiking is a lot like going to college. Even though deep down inside it may not mean a thing, it’s a convenient way of explaining to people what you’re up to.

–Ken Hicks, The Complete Hitchhiker

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We all love to make signs every now and then while we’re hitchhiking; something about that old, 1930’s image of a drifter holding a piece of cardboard with the word ‘anywhere’ scribbled on it in old grease pencil feeds the hopeless romantic in all of us. Making a sign can oftentimes help you get a quicker ride. When making a sign, remember: one of the most useful tools avalible to a hitchhiker is his sense of humor.

Here is a compilation of funny, crude, effective, and sometimes just plain out there hitchhiking signs that I have collected from fellow travellers. Keep in mind that not all of these should be used on the road; some I’ve just put on here because they make me chuckle. Use at your own descretion, and utilise that noggin, you dope.

If you have any suggestions of your own to add that are either funny, effective, or just way out there, send it to me in an email at patrick.falterman@gmail.com and I’ll put it up here! Be sure to include your name or a psudonym so I can give you credit!

*Please Note: It is not advisable to put profanity on your signs. Profanities are included here because they’re fucking hilarious. But be a sport and don’t do it on the road.
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‘Won’t Kill You!’ (Digihitch.com)

‘Freshly Showered!’ (Digihitch.com)

‘Maybe I’m Jesus’ (MN)

‘Not on the run’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I didn’t escape, I was released’ (MN)

‘Free weed!’ (MN)

‘Free weed?’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I’ll go 50/50 on a 40’ (MN)

‘I smelled worse yesterday’ (MN)

‘My watch has been stopped at 4:20 since the sixties’ (MN)

‘I have handcuffs for recreational purposes’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Almost there!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Just 3 miles’ (MN)

‘…water…’ (MN)

‘Your house? (Mtn Bum)

‘My tent?’ (MN)

‘I have an English accent’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I won’t testify!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘This sign used to be my house’ (MN)

‘My other sign is a pillow’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Where am I?’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I should not have taken that left turn…’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Out of ink’ (Mtn Bum)

‘AmsterDAMAGED’ (‘The General)

‘Lost it all in Vegas’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Keep driving if you’re a jackass’ (Mtn Bum)

‘HURRY! And we can catch the HOT CHICK two cars ahead of you!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I’m really a nice guy’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘The newspaper was lying’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Hitchhikers don’t finger…we thumb’ (MN)

‘Too cold at dawn, too hot after sunrise, but JUST RIGHT inside your RV!’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘How about THIS time?’ (MN)

‘Petrol station guy is getting a little agitated’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘It’s a pickup truck for fuckssake!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Free bag, can’t carry the fucker anymore’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I have good stories’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Does that cigarette lighter work?’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Hey man, can I bum one of those?’ (MN)

‘Seriously about to pass out in this heat’ (MN)

‘Need to borrow the shade of your car for a few’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘It’s red paint I swear’ (Nick R.)

‘Could I take a peek at your map?’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I’m not in a position to be choosy’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Take me to your leader’ (Nick R.)

‘I don’t find my situation funny’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘…dying…’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I’ll hide your stash’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I never knew this road was that long’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Can’t walk anymore’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Even further from Detriot’ (MN)

‘HAVE BATTERY POWERED VAPORIZER’ (MN)

‘Mine’s GREENER!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘You gonna eat that?’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I’m not Arab…it’s a tan’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘This one time, at band camp…’ (MN)

‘You drive 70 times faster than I can walk’

‘If I don’t leave now they’ll send me back tonight’ (MN)

‘Return to sender’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Joint-rolling Champ Amsterdam 2010’ (MN)

‘I’ll sing backup’ (Mtn Bum)

If in Holland: ‘You’re sinking, mate!’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘3 bullets left’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Are those real??’ (Mtn Bum)

‘You’ll need help when that tire goes’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘This is bat country!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I know where to find peyote’ (MN)

‘Who knew clothes were so heavy?’ (MN)

‘My sister’s cute – she’s in the next town’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Puff * puff* pass’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Let’s begin a revolution’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘NO LONGER RADIOACTIVE’ (MN)

‘Is that dam up ahead a God dam?’ (MN)

‘Quick, before ze Germans arrive!’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I SEEK THE GRAIL’ (MN)

‘I just saved a whole bunch of money on plane tickets by hitchhiking’ (MN)

‘He was already dead when I got there’ (MN)

‘Can I have a bite?’ (MN)

‘The last time I did this was earlier today’ (MN)

‘THE SHIRE’ (MN)

‘You can write this off on your taxes’ (MN)

‘I voted for the other guy’ (MN)

‘YOU ARE HERE’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I’m not a gassy person (_kabuki_mono_)

‘Just got rid of all my PCP’ (Skywalker)

‘Grandma’s funeral is in 20 minutes!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘NOWHERE: entering the middle’ (MN)

‘…rolling papers…?’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I’d kill for a ride right now’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Off to murder Paris Hilton’ (MN)

‘MAN vs. TRAFFIC’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Google Maps can eat a dick’ (Skywalker)

‘I’VE GOT TIGER BLOOD’ (MN, with the help of Charlie Sheen)

‘FOR SALE (stop for details)’ (MN)

‘OUT OF GAS (my car is 50 miles ahead)’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Left for dead’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Every time you don’t pick up a hitchhiker, a kitten dies a horrible death somewhere’ (MN)

‘We’re normal people. Like communists’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I saw what you did back there’ (MN)

‘Yeah, I cut your brakes’ (MN)

‘If you put that Britney Spears CD on, I can’t be held responsible for what happens next’ (_kabuki_mono_)

‘I have cancer you dick’ (MN)

‘Find a hitcher, pick him up. All day long you’ll have good luck.’ (Skywalker)

‘Welcome to real life’ (MN)

‘In my country, the middle finger means you’re stopping’ (MN)

‘…TRIPPIN’ BALLS, MAN…!’ (Mtn Bum)

‘Don’t try this at home. Try it on the highway’ (MN)

‘I CAN’T BELIVE IT’S REALLY YOU!’ (MN)

‘Did heaven loose an angel, ’cause you’ve got nice tits’ (Mtn Bum)

‘I’ve got some Colombian shit’ (MN)

‘ME RIDE WITH YOU LONG TIME’ (MN)

‘Will agree with you’ (MN)

For a Yank in the U.K.: ‘The British are coming, the British are coming!’ (Nick R.)

‘SLOW THE FUCK DOWN (and give me a ride!)’ (Mtn Bum)

“Hawaii” when hitchin in subzero weather – garrett and gabe

Su destinacion es la nuestra. (meaning: Na’ con hueva’ de que me voy pal otro la’o mentiroso caga’o!) -T